The U-17 Women’s World Cup third-place playoff in Rabat was the loudest launch of the week. Kim Won-Sim opened the account in the 12th minute. Ui-Gyong Ri grabbed two. Ri Ye-Rim, Yu Jong-hyang and Kyong-Im Ri joined in. Half-time: 2-0. Full-time: 6-0. Brazil spent the second half doing what Brazil never does—standing around watching.
Kim Jong Un, presumably delighted, now has a fresh argument for any summit: his teenagers can hit six moving targets in under ninety minutes. Trump, who spent years describing rocket launches as “beautiful letters,” finally has a scoreline he can quote back.
And the joke writes itself. North Korea’s defence budget might be fictional, but their pressing is not. They ran Brazil into the ground with the enthusiasm of a nation that has never been told football is supposed to be fun.
Brazil’s week, meanwhile, is best described as a diplomatic incident. Nigeria beat them 3-1 in the semis. Saturday they shipped six more. The Seleção brand—joga bonito, samba, flair—is currently unavailable for comment. Somewhere, a 1994 VHS of Romário is quietly weeping.
The bronze medal heads to Pyongyang. So does a new catchphrase: the only missiles that hit their target all year.
Brazil go home with nothing but a Moroccan souvenir and a permanent search history entry for “how to defend.”
Six goals. Zero replies. Even the scoreboard needed a moment.
